I am sorry to leave readers in a strange state after my last post. I realize I sounded pretty awful, and several people reached out to me with concern. Rest assured, I am OK (relatively speaking).
I often have my ups and downs, and I must reiterate that when I write I must be honest. If I can't be honest, then this blog is just a farce. I have chosen to let people into my mental/emotional world and with that brings things some may not want to hear. I ask everyone to read with an open heart and mind. That said, I always appreciate people reaching out in concern, especially since post-loss-related contact tends to wane as the months wear on (and believe me when I say that I always need support, no matter how I sound). So to those who expressed concern, I thank you.
In the past week, I have endured some more anxiety and pain as I have been off my anti-depressant due to clerical negligence at my doctor's office. Therefore, some withdrawal symptoms have occurred. I often wonder if my meds are truly doing any good, but I have learned they are. Twice now I have come off my meds cold turkey -- not by design -- and the withdrawal has been awful. Aside from some physical symptoms, the emotional pain has been terrible. I experience a return to the sharp feelings of disbelief ("this can't be true;" "he can't really be gone;" "I can't do this anymore") and images of Mike in his hospital bed during his last few days of life. Trust me, these are not good feelings. This further confirms my prior diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and PTSD-like symptoms.
Thankfully, I got back on my meds last night. I will be writing more in the days to come.
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