Once again, many months have passed since my last post. Again, I put off expressing many of the feelings I live with daily. I spent another Christmas without Mike -- another New Year's Eve, another Valentine's Day, etc. It's become pathetically routine.
I sometimes think, "Maybe there's still a chance. Maybe it's still possible this is all a very, very bad dream. Maybe it's possible I don't have to live the rest of my life without my best friend. Maybe all those prayers really did work. Maybe we will still have those children, whose names I already know. Then, the light of day comes and I wake up, again, without Mike. The reality, once again, sets in. But, how can it really be? The two of us fought so hard and for so long to prevent this from happening, and now I have to live every day for the rest of my life with the fact that the worst did happen. Alone. No matter what I do or say, Mike is gone forever, and I have the rest of my life to think about that. I sometimes find myself realizing that I have forgotten certain precious memories, and I sometimes think I’d rather die than forget those memories. How awful.
I found this blog post a while back, and it sums up some of the loneliness I feel:
http://oursmallmoments.com/you-went-to-a-funeral-and-then-you-went-home/
No comments:
Post a Comment