Trifecta

It's that time of year again.  It's the trifecta -- September (Mike's birthday), October (anniversary of his passing) and November (our wedding anniversary).  My body seems to realize when this time is coming, even when my mind is not purposely thinking about it.  Even after the trifecta passes, we move right into Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's.  It's like falling down at the shoreline and having wave after wave crush your ass into the sand.

Some good things have been happening lately, but I've felt unusually sad.  I can't seem to shake it.  I have been struggling, and I recognize it.  Mark does his best to be supportive, but I know it's hard on him.  It can't be easy.  I still talk to Mike in my sleep, I'm told, which has included crying, laughing and seemingly normal conversation.  And I never have a recollection of any of it.

I know great losses change you and stay with you, but I wonder if they sometimes do more -- I wonder if they can just mess you up too much.

In less than two hours, the trifecta begins.  Happy 44th birthday, Mikey.