Sleep Talk

Last Wednesday night, I stayed over at Mark’s apartment.  I had a normal evening and I went to sleep fine – no racing thoughts, no disturbing images about the past, nothing upsetting to keep me awake (which sometimes happens).  Turns out, I woke up in the middle of the night in a terrible state.  The following day, Mark told me about what happened – an episode of which I have zero recollection.  According to Mark, this was what happened:  During the night, out of the blue, I started talking.  At first Mark thought I was talking to him, but then he realized I was still asleep.  I was having a deep conversation with Mike, and it was perfectly coherent and clear.  I told Mike how much I miss him, and that I would give anything to have him back.  I told him that I’ve done my best and tried so hard all this time to go on without him and enjoy life again, but it wasn’t working.  I told him I’ve been writing to him, and I asked him if he’s been getting my messages and reading them.  I just kept begging him to come back, and told him I can’t do this alone.  At one point I started crying, and Mark tried to comfort me and rub my head, but I didn’t wake up or acknowledge his presence.  This continued for about 10 minutes until I finally drifted back into sleep.

I have no idea what sparked that incident.  I have kept a journal to Mike, logging different memories and things I don’t want to forget, but that hasn’t caused me any recent anguish.  Poor Mark was a bit rattled.  He said he felt broken-hearted for me more than anything, but I know it hurt his feelings, too.  It took him a couple days to shake off that one.  Since I don’t remember any of this, and I don’t know what caused it, I was at a loss to explain it.  It was all I could do to reassure him that I must have just been having a terrible nightmare.

 I am so thankful for someone who is so supportive and understanding.  God knows I’ve given him plenty to bear.